


The Escapades of Nyx Smug-Face Ulric

by SophiaHoppia



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Established Relationship, Everybody Lives, Explicit Language, F/M, Just dialogue, M/M, Multi, OT4, Older chocobros, Polyamory, Spin the Bottle, drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-08-03 15:28:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16328639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophiaHoppia/pseuds/SophiaHoppia
Summary: Noct and Luna are married, but just for pretense, when the Chocobros spend an evening drinking with Nyx and some hidden secrets are coming to light.





	The Escapades of Nyx Smug-Face Ulric

**Author's Note:**

> I just needed to get this out of my system.
> 
> Beta-reader: Eric Panda

**Prompto:**  
 "Okay, Iggy: Who was the hottest fuck you've ever had?"

**Ignis:**  
 "Nyx Smug-Face Ulric."

**Noctis:**  
 "What?!"

**Gladio:**  
 "Now _that_ sobered me up."

**Ignis:**  
 "He _is_ the hottest fuck ever. And do you know what the problem is? He knows it. Look at this stupid, sexy, smug face he's making."

**Nyx:**  
 "Not sure if I should be honored or offended."

**Prompto:**  
 "Not sure if it was a good idea to let Iggy get wasted."

**Ignis:**  
 "But you all told me to drink and let loose!"

**Noctis:**  
 "Yes. And now I know why you are always the voice of reason who tells us all to _not_ get wasted."

**Ignis:**  
 "You have started it, you have to deal with it now. Like I have to deal with Nyx's smug face grinning at me."

**Nyx:**  
 "Aaaw, you're so cute."

**Noctis:**  
 "I can't believe you've fucked my boyfriend, Nyx."

**Ignis:**  
 "But he did, Noct! Multiple times. And he even blew your other boyfriend."

**Noctis:**  
 "What?! Gladio!"

**Gladio:**  
 "That was a one-time thing..."

**Nyx:**  
 "Sadly, yes."

**Ignis:**  
 "He also fucked your fiancé. And I'm sure he's fucking your wife now."

**Noctis:**  
 "Well, that last part is no secret to me."

**Ignis:**  
 "At least you and Prompto are safe. I'm glad you didn't fall into the trap of Nyx Smug-Face Ulric."

**Prompto:**  
 "I... still can't believe you did, Iggy. And that you are still calling him your hottest fuck while having Gladio, Noct and me as boyfriends now."

**Ignis:**  
 "Well, have you looked at him, darling? He is a _walking sexiness_. Is this even a word?"

**Gladio:**  
 "Maybe you should stop drinking."

**Ignis:**  
 "But you told me to drink! You've said, I'm working too much and need to let loose for once!"

**Prompto:**  
 "We didn't intend to bring light to such dark secrets while drinking."

**Ignis:**  
 "Firstly, you should _not_ play spin the bottle, while drunk, if you want secrets staying secret. Secondly, it's no secret, that Nyx is a fucking hot mess who knows it and is smug about it and has probably fucked with half of the Crownsguard before the fall ten years ago."

**Noctis:**  
 "Do you... still want to fuck him?"

**Ignis:**  
 "What are you talking about, Noct? I'm only fucking with my boyfriends. I'm faithful."

**Noctis:**  
 "I know, I know. Just wondered... if he is still attractive in your eyes."

**Ignis:**  
 "Of course, he is. Look at him, Noct. He is like a walking sexiness and he knows it."

**Gladio:**  
 "I think I've heard that one before."

**Prompto:**  
 "Do I need to be jealous or not?"

**Ignis:**  
 "One can get jealous of such attractiveness, but don't let it bother you, darling."

**Prompto:**  
 "That's not exactly what I meant..."

**Ignis:**  
 "His sexiness then? Or his smug face?"

**Prompto:**  
 "Come ooon~"

**Nyx:**  
 "Don't worry, little one. Despite all that Iggy still denied being in a relationship with me back then."

**Ignis:**  
 "You weren't even serious about a relationship back then. I know you were fucking with other men and women."

**Nyx:**  
 "What should I say? I've used my freedom. But I would have stopped if you'd gotten serious about me."

**Ignis:**  
 "... I've never realized you _wanted_ to get serious."

**Nyx:**  
 "I did. Although, years later, I wondered if you ever even realized this."

**Ignis:**  
 "I didn't. _Fuck._ I could have had a relationship with Nyx Smug-Face Ulric."

**Prompto:**  
 "Should I be worried _now_?"

**Nyx:**  
 "No. It never would have worked out between us."

**Ignis:**  
 "Because he is too smug."

**Nyx:**  
 "Aaaw, you like me being smug. Admit it."

**Ignis:**  
 "And because he is riling me up too much."

**Nyx:**  
 "You like getting riled up."

**Ignis:**  
 "In bed, yes. That's why the sex was good with you."

**Prompto:**  
 "So... why wouldn't it have worked out between the two of you? Cause right now it sounds like a perfect match."

**Ignis:**  
 "Because he is too smug."

**Nyx:**  
 "Or... because our diligent advisor had always been in love with his highness, but didn't allow himself to have such emotions."

**Noctis:**  
 "Even back then?"

**Nyx:**  
 "Yeah. I was no more than a substitute. Poor little me. Iggy broke my heart."

**Ignis:**  
 "As if. Don't play the victim."

**Nyx:**  
 "It was a blow to my self-esteem when you broke up our arrangement."

**Prompto:**  
 "Why did you even break up when the sex was good?"

**Ignis:**  
 "Well..."

**Nyx:**  
 "Because he had succumbed to Gladio's charm. Iggy was in love with Noct and had the best sex in existence with _humble me_ , but he still let himself be swooped by Gladio's advances."

**Gladio:**  
 "Are you finally admitting defeat after ten years?"

**Nyx:**  
 "Eh, you can have this victory. I'm content enough with the knowledge that _I'm_ still his hottest fuck."

**Ignis:**  
 "... and the smuggest face."

**Nyx:**  
 "Can't mention that often enough, can you?"

**Ignis:**  
 "Never."

**Prompto:**  
 "He really does have a smug face..."

**Ignis:**  
 "Darling, no! Don't look at him, you'll fall prey to his smugness."

**Gladio:**  
 "Don't worry, Iggy. We have our little sunshine tightly wrapped around our little fingers. He won't leave us."

**Prompto:**  
 " _You_ can be smug as well, you know that?"

**Gladio:**  
 "Hell yeah. Back then that was the best way to get Iggy's attention. And someone needed to save him from the clutches of Nyx Smug-Face Ulric."

**Noctis:**  
 "Like a true shield."

**Nyx:**  
 "Now that that's settled, shall we continue the game?"

**Prompto:**  
 "Not sure if it's wise to continue."

**Nyx:**  
 "You scared, little one?"

**Prompto:**  
 "No way, dude!"

**Ignis:**  
 "Okay, let me spin the bottle. And... Nyx! Who was the hottest fuck _you_ 've ever had?"

**Nyx:**  
 " _Ignis Stick-Up-His-Ass Scientia._ "

**Prompto:**  
 "Are they really flirting right in front of us?"

**Noctis:**  
 "Let's drop this game after all. Nyx, it's getting late. Maybe you should go back to Luna."

**Nyx:**  
 "You're sending me to your wife to get laid since it's getting late?"

**Noctis:**  
 "... Yeah. Because you aren't allowed to touch my boyfriends."

**Nyx:**  
 "Aaaw, he's jealous."

**Ignis:**  
 "Cute, isn't it?"

**Nyx:**  
 "Really cute. Makes me want to rile him up even more."

**Ignis:**  
 " _I'll_ take over the job of doing so."

**Nyx:**  
 "Of course you'll do. And you're so smug about it."

**Ignis:**  
 "Well, I've learned from the best."

**Nyx:**  
 "The _best_ of the best."

**Ignis:**  
 "Indeed." 

**Author's Note:**

> [Check out my Profile to find me on Tumblr or Twitter!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophiaHoppia/profile)   
> 


End file.
